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These are the days we will remember

These are the times that won't come again

The highest of flames become an ember

And you gotta live 'em while you can

So take 'em by the hand, they're yours and mine

Take 'em by the hand and live your life

Take 'em by the hand don't let 'em all fly by 

-Keith Urban

I think sometimes we do get a say in what happens down the road. We hope for something, work toward it, and sure enough it happens. But then sometimes we have no say, and we definitely have no control. Regardless, it's a good thing to know what "the say" would be, in case it should count for anything. But I am the most indecisive person I know, and coming up with my say is sometimes more stressful than writing a ten page paper: deciding on a restaurant, picking out a bedskirt, choosing an outfit... I can turn these trivial matters into end-of-the-world decisions quicker than a thunderstorm passing through on a summer afternoon. My problem always has been in not knowing what I want, and I'm forever changing my mind about what I want to "be" when I grow up (as if any of us ever do) or where I want to travel to next. And though I pictured the next nine months of my life to be a struggle, me daily wishing I were back in New York now, or scheming a way to sneak myself back up after graduation (hopefully not waiting tables), I have to admit that the decision has already been made. And football season hadn't even swept through Columbia yet to win me over.

I know what my say is, if it amounts to anything. Because as much as I miss New York each morning when I cut on the Today show, see a picture uploaded on Twitter of some crazy new dish from Queens Comfort, hear Jay-Z on the radio or think back to a random favorite memory of mine in the city, I would be crazy to go back. Ok... maybe not crazy to go back, but I would definitely be crazy to leave home again! It was rough adjusting at first, and my mom will be the first to tell you that I, after having spent three months doing things only for myself, have not been the easiest person to get along with since my return. But I'm working on it!

I'm so thankful for all the wonderful places I've gotten to travel to these past two years, all the many new friends and lessons learned along the way, and if I feel led to go somewhere again in the future, then I'll be gone in a heartbeat. And I do think there's something to be said for throwing one's self out of your comfort zone, learning to appreciate yourself for both your weaknesses and your strengths, learning to be on your own but not be lonely, and learning to let go of the things and people that- when it comes down to it- ultimately don't matter. But if my say counts for anything, then I could stand to only travel down one quick 100 mile stretch of I-26 (and possibly a short stop off of I-95 for old times' sake) for the rest of my life and be completely, contentedly happy. 

Because I've never craved normalcy so much in my life. When I stopped moping about being out of the excitement of the big city and started to appreciate what I had right in front of me, things changed. To recognize that each season in life is for a reason, whether or not you know what the reason is at the time, is important in keeping a positive outlook on whatever circumstances you find yourself facing. And I make it sound like I'm going through some hardship... yeah right. The unbelievable simplicity in these past few days has got my heart right back to where it belongs: sprawling across a whole pew with my family at the Cathedral, babysitting my favorite little nephew, walking to Za's from my cute little house for dinner with best friends, strolling the streets of Shandon for walks at night with said best friends, stealing half of my sister's out-of-this-world closet, decorating the new house, lounging out at the beach with my sisters and even lil baby Connor. What's great is that even the little things- like driving a car which I didn't get the chance to do all summer, stopping through a drive through, and even a routine eye exam has been "like new" to me. I just wish I could freeze all of this and maybe come back to it sometime down the road when I'm going through a tough time. Because things will not always be this easy. 

When I was talking with my sister, Tina, out on the beach, she mentioned that I should stop doing things on a whim and start thinking about my long term goals. And I started freaking out! What long term goals? I'm twenty-one years old, how should I have any clue where I want to be in life twenty-one more years from now, when I don't even know where I want to be in one?  And though I think her statement was a bit much (we can't all be Intern of the Year, sis) and I still have no idea what I will be doing a year from now, I am proud of myself for at least knowing where I want to be. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." -Psalm 37:4